Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
