did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
