I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
