EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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