I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
