i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
