you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
