Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize