You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
