the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
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