I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
