Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
