Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No subtext here. People are naked.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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