im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
