It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
