I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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