I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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