we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
