Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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