This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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