Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
