ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
