this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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