He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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