why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
