The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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