i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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