i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
