I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
