im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
