cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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