I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
