No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
