PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Drake has all the answers
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
