Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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