Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
