sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize