you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
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