Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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