Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
