the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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