He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
