I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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