As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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