so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
