I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
