He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i can't believe i had my finger in that
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just puked most of my soul out..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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