got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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