Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
