I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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