I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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