i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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