I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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