Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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