I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
