dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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