if i can run in heels then i can drive
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
