I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
