How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
