omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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