yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
